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Cam's Poetry

Ready or Not (Seeking Self Love)

I used to Ruff Ride, thinking I was eve
Erykah and Lauryn singing that we all black queens
Mama say the boys just looking for that thing
Deaf to the message just as the pendulum swings
Time is running out, to climb up social rungs
The latter, ladder has way to many people strung
Socializing just for answers on the test
I want to kick back and chill in comfort like the rest
I’m questioning is my hair done right, do my pants fit tight
Is my body for forevers or just one nights
I never smiled or grinned
Wasn’t with petty clique’ing up, fitting in
Never someone that I can’t be
Superficial validation don’t excite me
Tribing on the quest for the inner hidden best love
Ready or not, here I come, seeking self love

Tiptoe

All around me are sharp tongues that threaten to shred my soul

I’ve spoken their names too long not to know that

If Alpha breathes down Beta’s neck the wrong way

then it becomes a war of Greek alphabet with all

the ferocity of Troy and it’s fall.

I change subjects to siphon smiles and laughs from battered beings.

Yet, I feign the two more than anyone knows.

Meanwhile, I’m on that jump off the roof, believing I can fly, R. Kelly type shit.

Sometimes I do want to sprout wings to escape the the harsh noise.

Fussing and fighting must be a genetic frailties.

I can’t wait for growth and mutations to a possibly provide a change in mentality.

In the meantime, I’ll talk up the happiness of others

while continuing to walk down upon my own on cumbersome

tiptoe.

Gone Forever

Lonesome like a prisoner confined to his cell

living without you in this cold, dark world is hell

Sweet terms of endearment, silly nicknames

to you they’re all one in the same

Our deepest love is now gone, after summer sunshine, like nightly rains

taken for granted, it can never again be maintained

Despite the fact that I was always there

you were absent in my moment of despair

 

Early morning conversations, late night disputes

getting at each other with our elements of refute

Afterwards we’d laugh at our antics like fools

wondering how we got caught in debate’s deep pools

We’d move on to a happier tone

you discussing the things we could do alone

Changing the subject I’d make you emerald with envy

talking about this or that person who had hit on me

To make up for offending me, you’d speak words of romance

as if you were the awful sinner trying to pray up another chance

With these things spoken, certainly I couldn’t refused

But of course you knew I would never choose another over you

 

Suddenly you began to slip away

first one, two , then three days

We’d go without words spoken

making me realize that something between us was broken

Conversation lacked terribly, then would start again

you hinting at us “just being friends”

Truth be told,

like brittle walls stricken, my emotions began to crumble and fold

When announced that it was over, I tried to accept it to my best

your words became the dozier, the land it tread, my chest

I’m sure you didn’t digest the news the way I did,

but the pain inside was oh so vivid

 

It’s been two months since we’ve last spoken

Started picking up pieces but I’m still broken

Mighty funny how three days used to be eternity

now I question you every loving me

Venturing into this relationship, I should’ve done never,

now what we had is, and will always be, gone forever.

-Cam

Black Hole Logic

I hate when I get mad at myself for being mad at myself for some stupid shit I did when I was mad with myself.

This Ain’t A Diss Poem, It’s A Real Poem

This dark matter that they so despise

Comes from the same stardust that comprises all the you’s and I’s

and managed to survive passage on Atlantic ships

And built this country on lashed backs, master cracks whip

Started from the bottom, trying to rise to the top

150 years plus of fighting crooked ass cops

They say the country’s great, people are so dense

Can’t value black lives when slaves were worth 2 pence

Government officials Ricing citizens like on elevators

But we built the doors for it, yea you can thank us later

“Good” nigga under control, yea your favorite ways

But Banneker made them watches and couldn’t get time of day

Systematic oppression, Americanized apartheid

We were born in this race, can’t take it all in stride

We say hands up, please don’t shoot

Apparently books are worth force that brute

Or big bad dudes are big BLACK dudes

But it was clear huh, from your altitude

12 year olds running and toy gunning

Shot it 2 seconds, man the training is so stunning

Selling CD’s and loosies, making a way despite

Just boot-strap hustling, we had no birthrights

Let’s have a quick roll call of what can get you shot

Mental illness, seizing, breathing, obeying, independent thought

Say it’s a war on gangs, you fighting self for turf?

Left us here to drown, somehow we learned to surf

This ain’t for everybody, some work to fix the tricks

But if the shoe fits, go on and lace up your kicks

Wish everybody mattered that would be such a gem

And Black lives do matter, but just not to them

 

 

 

Rage

What can be said of the pain and anger felt inside?

Enraged yelling, outraged tossing of innocent objects 

Constantly pacing the floor, a method of shaking bottled emotions

Soon the pressure from within will cause the elements to erupt

Blind with fury, feelings will be marred with regrets to follow

As a madwoman, I coherently understand nothing.

Sleepless Night (4am)

No cause for alarm, just one of those,how can I save the people I love from themselves,while also being in the process of learning to love self, is love enough, what could I have done to prevent this, how could I have prevented this, when will the cycle of pain end, can I be the one to end the damage type of nights. 
I’m acquainted with these nights far to frequently now.

Less Prejudice, More Protocolterrance-crutcher

She Is More Than Your Modern Woman

She is more than your modern woman

 

She is a hero in my eyes

the one that is nurturing

in my times of need-she

 

who listens attentively

to the constant murmuring of my

nonsense ranting, the unbreakable

 

strength that makes her

seem invincible. If I can’t

be in her presence I become insecure, unable to

 

function-my mind becomes filled with thoughts of doubt

a chill runs through my body; comprehending nothing,

 

only feeling the drumming of my heart, warms tears threaten to

drop.

my body shakes

 

and I turn to see her standing

just beyond. At such times,

utter happiness is within reach.

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